Author: Today, I have the pleasure of talking with the famous private detective, Richard Dick, who is calling in from his Chicago office. Hello Richard, I’m so glad you could join us today.
Dick: I’m happy to be here, and please, just call me Dick.
Author: Okay, Dick. Why don’t you tell us something about yourself?
Dick: I’m a private dick.
Author: Yes, well, we knew that already. Why don’t you start by telling everyone how you became interested in a career as a private detective?
Dick: Why? Do you think they care?
Author: Absolutely. That is, I guess they do. Anyway it’s as a good a place to start as any, isn’t it?
Dick: I suppose so. Okay, I was just bumming around, you understand, not doing much of anything, when I read about the detective game on a matchbook cover.
Author: A matchbook cover?
Dick: Sure. I noticed this great ad, see, telling how you could become a private dick in only eight weeks. It sounded like a first-rate deal, so I gave them a call and signed up for their correspondence course.
Author: A correspondence course? Who offers a private detective correspondence course?
Dick: Ed’s Private Detective School & Aquarium Supplies.
Author: Ed’s Private…ahem, I see. And you think this correspondence school adequately prepared you for a career as a private detective?
Dick: You bet. It covered the all basics, but really got in-depth into the most important subjects.
Author: What kind of in-depth information did you receive?
Dick: Where to buy trench coats at discount prices…important stuff like that.
Author: Uh-huh… Okay, perhaps we should hurry on and talk about some of your more famous cases. If you would, speak to the matter where you encountered shape-shifters.
Dick: What are shape-shifters?
Author: Werewolves and such.
Dick: Oh, you must mean the Wareville caper. Yeah, I titled the case-file on that one, “Bite This! A Richard Dick Mystery “
Author: Yes, that’s the one. It was quite a success for you, wasn’t it?
Dick: You got that right. I cleared a bit over eight grand on that case.
Author: Um, actually I was referring to your success in solving the case.
Dick: Oh that. Sure, I discovered there’s a wide variety of, uh, what did you call them?
Dick: Oh yeah…anyway, I had heard of werewolves, of course, but discovered there’s a wide variety of ship-shapers out there.
Dick: How’s that?
Author: Skip it. Listen. Why don’t you tell us something about your client and her problem?
Dick: My client was Petunia Flatterbottom, and she was a great big ‘ol fat girl.
Author: Not that problem for Christ’s sake! Tell us why she came to you for assistance.
Dick: Oh. It seems she thought a werewolf was stalking her, and was afraid it would eat her.
Author: Geeze. Well, did it?
Dick: Did it what?
Author: Eat her!
Dick: Don’t you know? I thought you read the file.
Author: I have read the file! I thought you might want to tell everyone else what happened.
Dick: Why don’t you just tell them where they can pick up a copy so they can read it for themselves?
Author: Oh very well, but I’m sure they already know that “Bite This! A Richard Dick Mystery” is available at Untreed Reads Publishing, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, BooksAMillion, Borders, OmniLit and retailers all around the globe where fine e-books are sold.
Dick: Now see? That wasn’t so hard was it?
Author: You’ll never know. Folks, we’ve got to take a break now, but be sure to come back soon when I resume my conversation with private detective, Richard Dick.
Dick: Pssst! Are we still on the air?