Dick: Hey! I told you the last time; just call me Dick.
Author: Sorry, my mistake. Uh, what was I saying? Oh yes! We welcome back private detective Dick…um, Dick. Once again, he is calling in from his Chicago office. Hello Dick, thank you for joining us.
Author: Ahem, yes. I understand you’ve been quite busy since we last spoke.
Author: Okay, well then…why don’t you begin by telling everyone about your latest case?
Dick: The Lattimore case? Sure, why not? It seems Mrs. Lattimore, Gladys that is, suspected that her husband Rodney was cheating on her. So, she called…
Author: Not that case. I was referring…
Dick: Don’t interrupt. Gladys thought Rodney had a girlfriend and asked me to investigate the matter. So…
Author: I’m not interested in the Lattimore matter. I wanted to hear about…
Dick: Didn’t you ask about my latest case?
Author: Yes, but…
Dick: Then shut up and listen.
Author: <Sigh> Oh, very well.
Dick: Good. You see, Gladys thought Rodney had a girlfriend…
Author: You said that already.
Dick: Shaddup! So, I started checking up on old Rodney. You know, following him around to see where he went, who he met, that sort of thing.
Author: I see.
Dick: It turned out Rodney didn’t have a girlfriend.
Author: You don’t say? <Yawn> I’m, so very glad.
Dick: Nope. Rodney didn’t have “a” girlfriend; he had at least a dozen. Rodney’s this short, skinny guy, see? But, he likes his girls big, really big, you know, real Amazons, and he prefers them in groups.
Author: Good heavens.
Dick: Oh yeah. I snapped this photo of him with a half-dozen of them, you see. The girls were towering over him as he led them up the grand staircase at the Bronson Hotel. He looked like Hannibal crossing the Alps.
Author: The women were real pachyderms, eh?
Dick: I don’t know, but they were a real pack of “somethings.”
Author: So, we may assume Gladys will be divorcing Rodney right away.
Author: No? Gladys must be broadminded about her marriage.
Dick: Not at all. It turns out, though, that little old Rodney has a weak heart. So, Gladys figures it won’t be long until those big dames kill him. That being the case, she doesn’t see any sense in spending money on a divorce lawyer.
Author: Hmm, it seems Gladys is a practical woman.
Dick: Yeah, and besides, I like happy endings, don’t you?
Author: What? How’s that?
Dick: Don’t you see? Rodney will die happy, and Gladys will live happily ever after.
Author: Good grief. Now, can we get back to my original question?
Dick: What question?
Author: I hoped we might discuss the Lincoln Park case where you encountered ghosts and gangsters.
Dick: You must mean the case file I titled, “The Lincoln Park Horror. A Richard Dick Mystery.” Hell, why didn’t you say so in the first place? It would have saved us all a lot of time.
Author: <Groan> To say the least, yes.
Dick: Okay, hurry up and get on with it. I have a date with a blond tonight.
Author: A blond? That wouldn’t be the same blond you met at Lincoln Park would it?
Dick: So what if it is?
Author: Well, you have to admit…
Dick: Hold the phone! Don’t start talking about my girl if you know what’s good for you.
Author: Okay, okay. Let’s talk about your client instead, Percival J. Buttersnipe. I understand he’s a ghost, but how did he manage to contact you?
Dick: Yeah, Percy is a ghost. You see, ghosts can talk to the living if they want to. Usually they just don’t want to.
Author: I see. Why did Mr. Buttersnipe want to talk with you?
Dick: Percy needed my help to deal with a group of gangsters living in his home. Sam Spade suggested he contact me.
Author: Sam Spade? But he is nothing more than a storybook character.
Dick: Are you kidding me?! Sam Spade is no more a storybook character than I am. Unlike me, though, he’s really dead and a ghost.
Author: Whatever you say. These gangsters, they were a tough bunch?
Dick: The Fettuccini gang was one of the toughest.
Author: Was? Does that mean you took care of them?
Dick: Read the case file and see for yourself.
Author: But, I would like to know, and I’m sure everyone out there would like to know too.
Dick: Yeah sure, but they’ll have to read it too. Listen, I’ve got that date, you see…
Author: Okay, I understand. Folks you can pick up a copy of Dick’s case file, “The Lincoln Park Horror. A Richard Dick Mystery” at Untreed Reads Publishing, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, OmniLit and retailers all around the globe where fine e-books are sold.
Author: Dick, thank you for joining us today.
Dick: Huh? Oh yeah…my pleasure.
Author: And thank all of you out there for staying with us. Please be sure to check back with “The Liars Blog” for updates.
Dick: Pssst! Can I hang up now?
Author: Please do.