Author: Very good. Listen, I understand you just wrapped up a dangerous case involving vampires.
Author: Ahem, that’s, well... I’m sure our readers would like to know something about it.
Dick: You are?
Author: I am what?
Dick: You’re sure readers want to know about it.
Author: Of course! In fact, I’m certain of it.
Dick: That’s nice.
Author: <Sigh> So, what did you title this new case?
Dick: I named the case file,“Fanged! A Richard Dick Mystery.”
Author: “Fanged!” eh? That certainly sounds creepy.
Author: Say! Why don’t you tell us something about your client in the case?
Dick: My client was Count Earl Duke. He’s a vampire, you know.
Author: No, I didn’t know. Why did he need your services?
Dick: The Count’s large hoard of blood was stolen from his blood cellar. He hired me to retrieve it.
Author: I see. A stolen blood caper, huh? That sounds icky.
Dick: Icky? What kind of word is icky? Sheesh, and you call yourself an author.
Author: Well, I don’t know, but icky…
Dick: Just drop it. The “Fanged!” caper was a bloody mess, but then again, what else would you expect from a vampire?
Author: I see what you mean. Did you encounter other vampires during your investigation?
Author: Okay then, why don’t you tell us about them? Were they dangerous?
Dick: Dangerous? You bet. The Grand Fang might have been the worst, but his Polish girlfriend Serafina is one deadly, bloodsucking dame.
Author: Who is the Grand Fang?
Dick: Professor von Schweinzturd. He’s the headman at the Vampires Lodge.
Author: The Vampires Lodge?
Dick: Yeah. Let me tell you, it’s a damned eerie place.
Author: I can only imagine. What about his lady friend, Cellophane?
Dick: Not Cellophane; her name is Serafina, and listen bud, she’s no lady. She’s a first-class mantrap, and has the best-looking pair of gams I’ve ever seen. That broad could make the Pope sit up and howl at the moon. Take it from me. If you see Serafina coming, head the other way, because she is one evil bitch.
Author: Good heavens! Let’s talk a bit more about your client, Count Earl Duke. Since he’s also a vampire, I would imagine he is an evil, dangerous creature himself.
Dick: Not hardly. Oh sure, the Count wants to be evil and dangerous, but the fact is, he’s a pitiful vampire.
Author: A pitiful vampire, you say? Strange as it seems, that actually sounds sad.
Author: So, tell us, Dick. Did the case come to a successful conclusion?
Dick: You bet it was successful. I cleared over twenty grand on the deal.
Author: No, no. I mean, were you able to recover the Count’s blood for him?
Dick: I can’t say.
Author: You can’t say? You mean you don’t know?
Dick: No, I mean I can’t say.
Author: I don’t understand.
Dick: It means that I have to keep my trap shut. Jay Hartmann, the Editor at Untreed Reads Publishing, would crap if I spilled the beans before the case file is released.
Author: Oh, I see. Untreed Reads releases all of your case files?
Dick: That’s right. Readers can pick up “Bite this!,” “Witches Witch?,” “Naughty or Nice,” and “The Lincoln Park Horror,” at Untreed Reads Publishing, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Sony, or wherever fine e-books are sold.
Author: So, when can we expect to find “Fanged! A Richard Dick Mystery” joining your other caseson the shelves at e-booksellers?
Dick: I don’t know. Sometime this Spring.
Author: Can you be more specific?
Dick: Nah. As it stands now, I haven’t a clue.
Author: Okay, I understand, but you’ll keep us posted, won’t you?
Dick: Yeah, sure, but look. I’ve got’a go.
Author: Go? Already? Listen, I have a lot more questions…
Dick: Listen man, I’ve got’a go!
Author: But we are all fascinated by your experience with vampires. Can’t you stay with us just a bit longer?
Dick: No can do. I’ve got another date with that blond dame.
Author: The blond? Oh, don’t tell me you’re still seeing the girl you met in the Lincoln Park Horrorcase?
Author: I simply can’t understand what you see, or I should say, can’t see in that girl.
Dick: Oh yeah? All I can say is, “Eat your heart out, boy-o.”
Author: Humph, I would think a grown man would…oh, never mind. Well, thank you for joining us today, Dick. And thank all of you out there for staying with us. Please be sure to check back with “The Liars Blog” for updates on Dick’s adventures and his upcoming release, “Fanged! A Richard Dick Mystery”.
Dick: Pssst! I’ve REALLY got’a scram!
Author: Then scram, damn it! Scram!